Life in Transition (Edition 4): Be Present and Just Let Go

I have an unhealthy obsession with control. Control over all aspects of my life makes me feel comfortable. When I don’t feel like I am totally in control of an aspect in my life I tend to have to work hard to stay centered in myself. Most of the time, not having control of every detail of my life makes me feel frenetic and I try to assuage the situation as quickly as possible. As we are nearing the end of one of the most tumultuous years in modern history, we are keenly aware just how little authority we have over some events that govern our lives.

Some of us may have had all of these plans at the beginning of the year that derailed in the flip of a switch. I know it felt that way for me. In January, I was beginning my final semester of graduate school hoping to get a job lined up by graduation and staying in New York City. Needless to say, this did not pan out in the way that I planned. In March, I flew back home to (what I thought would be a short) stay with my parents to finish up my semester remotely and fly back to New York for graduation. In May, I graduated (thankfully) by computer in the make-shift office my dad created for me in my sister’s bedroom. I told myself that I would have a job by the end of summer. Then I told myself I would have a job by the end of fall. Flash forward to the last week of December, throw a some-what intense surgery into the mix, and I am still at my parent’s home, knee-deep in the job search process. I’m sure many others experienced a similar situation in their own ways.

This whole year has been disheartening in countless ways. No one could have predicted this global pandemic, but it still doesn’t sit well with me that something other than myself is dictating how I live my life right now. I know that we all wish the state of things were different, and we could be getting on with our lives. Good news is that vaccines are rapidly becoming available; there is something to look forward to again!

As someone who is so futuristic focused, as many are in this capitalist society, this year has forced me to change not only my mindset towards my approach to life, but how I process situations. I am someone who is downright addicted to thinking about how my life could turn out in the next five to ten years. In fact, the possibilities for my future are my favorite fantasies to dream about when I have a moment to myself. So, when it seems like you don’t have even a little bit of control over your current way of life, you have to reevaluate your perspective on, well, everything.

Prior to the pandemic, I loved knowing the things I needed to get done that day and had an idea of what the week was going to look like to some regard. I could have things mapped out and I could change my routine depending on how things came up because I planned things out so much. I was an organized planner. I had a fire underneath me. I still have these attributes, but being this way isn’t the best way to lead your life sometimes. I was so focused on what was going to happen the next day or what I had to get done later on that when I did have a down moment with myself or friends, my head was completely somewhere else. Things move extremely fast this way and you can miss out on a lot of important things.

Over the past few months, thinking about what the future will look like is somewhat unimaginable, which scares me a little. However, through all the ups and downs, I have made an effort to become more present. This perspective shift has completely changed the way I respond to others, live my daily life, and view the world around me. I am trying to be less overly-demanding with myself when I typically put so much pressure on myself. I am trying to do these things, because they are the only options I have to feel more healthy and fulfilled with my current situation. 

Just letting go has been one of the hardest things I have attempted to do. I by no means mean that I have just been sitting on the couch expecting my life to just fall into place. I’m still applying to jobs and working on my self-growth, but I am trying to be okay with the fact that things will work out the way they are supposed to, as long as I put in my side of the effort. Right now, I just have to be okay with the fact that I’m putting in my best effort and letting everything else be as it may.

Here are some actions that I try to take to keep myself present throughout my day which have helped me to let things be:

• Listen, then respond. When in a conversation with someone, try to hear what the other person is saying and don’t try to formulate a response as they talk. Listen completely and focus on what they are saying. Then respond authentically.

• Be overly conscious of your movements when changing positions or exercising. When you get up from your desk, practice being aware of that specific movement: sitting to standing to walking. While exercising, do the same act with each movement. You can even take it a step further by also trying to make yourself aware of how your movements interact with your breathing.

• Journal. Write down all the things that may have happened during the day and reflect. Or, write in a stream of consciousness without filtering yourself. This is a great way for you to become more aware of how you think, act, and feel on a momentary basis.

• Meditate! Focus on your breathing and try to quiet your mind. Meditating can change your brain patterns by meditating for 30 minutes a day for a month or so. If you don’t think you can allow that amount of time, just even taking a few moments for yourself can benefit you greatly.

• Take note of little things that bring you any sense of joy. This could be going for a run or having a cup of tea in the morning. This simple act can make you find other moments of joy in your life.

Quite frankly, without this shift, I think I would have gone a little more cuckoo during this pandemic than I did, because I would have been obsessed more with the things that weren’t happening in my life as opposed to the wonderful things that are happening. I may still get frustrated sometimes because I am young and I don’t like that I can’t be living out my 20’s in a way that I find right for me. That being said, using these tools has made it easier for me to return to a contended, healthy place.

Just letting go is really hard for me. In an ideal world, I would be staying aware of all the things going on in the world (good and bad) and moving forward with my career. These things have been put on pause by something completely out of my control, so using these new tools are making my situation a bit more bearable, even mollifying the way I look at my life presently.

I hope after the pandemic is long over that I will use these new perspectives to better the way I live my life and to not get so caught up on the things that are out of my control.

All we have is right now, after all.